Restoration, part two.

  As I sit here in the comfort of my warm bed with clean sheets after a long warm shower and I try to sum up the experiences these past two months have held for me, I’m finding myself at a loss for words. The past several days have been an emotional rollercoaster for me, but as I dig for answers behind the tears and pain and sadness I have been feeling, at the end of the day the only words that are able to form from my mouth are “I miss my friends.” I miss my Zambian life, and the things that once were comforts of home before leaving, now seem worthless and pail in comparison to the joy I found during my time in Zambia. The country and the people I met have touched me in a way that I will never forget. This experience is now a part of what shapes me into who I am and my time there has been a defining season in my life. I learned so many lessons and grew deeper in my faith, and I know these things will only continue to unfold as I process and sift through all of my emotions in these next several weeks. I experienced God in a way that I hope will change me for the better to be an example that will show others more of who Jesus is just as I saw in others this summer. My eyes were opened to and my heart broken for poverty, sadness, orphans, widows, and the profound effect of AIDS on the community in Zambia. Yet, despite my heart being broken to the core for the people and this country, somewhere along the way it was stitched back together by the relationships I formed over there, and maybe even made more whole than it was before leaving or even than I thought possible. I opened my heart to the people in this community. I so quickly fell in love with the kids and the mama’s I spent my time over there with. They showed me a deeper kind of love than I thought was possible, all while pointing me time and time again to be more like Jesus, and by simply doing life with them for this small moment in time my life has been forever changed. I opened my heart and I fell in love, and now as I sit here, half a world away from this life I grew accustomed to and these people I fell in love with, my heart is in pain. 

I am struggling to unravel what is next after such an incredible experience, but in that trusting in the only thing I can –the goodness of God. I am brought back to my very first blog post I wrote prior to embarking on this beautiful journey of restoration. Just as I saw my prayers that the Lord would restore and bring new life to these orphans and widows be answered in my time over there, I am comforted in the truth that He too is restoring and refining me through this process. That while my heart feels as though it has been broken into a million different pieces since leaving, He is using it to His glory and will continue to renew my soul and give me strength and joy in knowing and believing that He truly is restoring me daily. I do not know what the Lord has in store next, or where He will lead me after experiencing such things this summer, but I am following His lead with open hands, trusting that He is good and is by my side through this entire process. As I try to continue unpacking and discerning where He is leading me next, I am confident that whatever this next season looks like, it will be rich and sweet with Him by my side. I am extremely thankful that He would allow me to take part in such beautiful things this summer, and thankful for all of the love, prayers, encouragement, and support from all of you through the process. So, thank you, thank you, thank you! I would not have had the opportunity to experience such things if it weren’t for you all, my biggest supporters and encouragers. I hope to continue updating you on what the Lord is teaching me in these next weeks and months, as well as where He is leading next. Thank you again for all you have done for me and I am excited to continue sharing in this journey with you all.